I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
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i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring