can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved