Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.