I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.