Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How's your threesome situation going?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hello my rib-scented angel!