My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Houston, we have a squirter
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.