If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
