I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
