This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
