If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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