It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
