Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
