Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
