Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
