If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
