So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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