You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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