she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
