We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
did i just pee glitter
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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