I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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