Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
