I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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