Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
