I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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