where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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