if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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