Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize