Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
