is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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