Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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