Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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