So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
