The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
