why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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