if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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