U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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