Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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