i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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