Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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