you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
