when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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