In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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