You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
