Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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