Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
