went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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