I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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