I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
