I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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