Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
