I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
