I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You pole danced in your parka.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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