STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
