it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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