I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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