Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
