You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
