so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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