I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
