FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
