Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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