We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
