So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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