I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
