Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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