i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
being pregnant is like rehab
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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