Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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