how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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