You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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