NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
