His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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