I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
