My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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