Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
