Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
