Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
