it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
