k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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